Pastor Janae’s Blog

Well it’s exactly one month until our wedding day! When I look back over the last 5 months since our engagement, I’m reminded how quickly time flies. Since the beginning of the engagement I said I would blog my insights, well I’m about 5 months behind…but here we go anyway!

Love Changes You

I realize that I am not the same woman that I was before I met my fiance. Truthfully, I’m not the same woman I was when we started dating at the top of 2009. Heck, I’m not the same woman he proposed to in April! I was a very assertive, confident, decisive, focused, and ambitious woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still all of those things; but I was also inflexible and impatient. (My mother would say that I’m still inflexible and impatient!) But my goodness, God has worked miracles in me. I am amazed how God is teaching me to hold my tongue, humble myself, and even deny myself!

I’ve discovered that while healthy relationships add tremendous value to a person’s life, they also demand work and attention. Everyday one must reevaluate motives, renegotiate outcomes, and reconsider philosophies and principles (to name a few) so that you take the very best of who you are into a relationship with someone who offers you the very best of who they are.

Question: Are you offering the very best of who you are to those you love and cherish?

In our lives of multi-tasking, overcommitting, and stretching thin, it is so very easy to give those we love and cherish what’s left over. I used to be that way. Then God placed me alongside a revelation of God’s divine love for me, alongside my “answered prayer request” and I discovered that leftovers are not appealing. Everyday I make a decision to be the best me that I can be, not because it will benefit me, but because the one I love deserves it.

Have you ever been in a situation where you stepped outside of yourself, looked at yourself and said, “Is that really me?” I feel like that everyday. I can’t believe that God has blessed me with this indescribable gift of love and commitment. When I’m honest with myself about my frailties, weaknesses, and faults, I’m amazed that God chose me for this blessing. If you’re single, you may be thinking, “C’mon, it can’t be that serious!” Trust me, it is! This was worth waiting for!

Blog with you soon!

Comments (3) Sep 18 2009

For the last few weeks, my Pastor has been preaching from the series “Say What You Need To Say”. It has been such an insightful and convicting sermon series. In a recent message “Speak the Truth in Love”, we are each challenged to dig deeper into what we say, how we say it, and why we say it. We have been reminded that our communications are directly related to our relationship with God. When we communicate scathing, thoughtless, and hurtful ideas and feelings without any regard to the big picture, the implications of the words, or our responsibility in the matter, we are actually conveying the level of our spiritual maturity!! A spiritually mature person is able to process, reinterpret, and package their ideas, emotions, and feelings, BEFORE expressing them. This is because a spiritually mature person does not disconnect their communications with others from their communication with God. Isn’t it unfortunate how we think we’re spiritually mature because we read our Bibles and go to church every Sunday? But we discover that our everyday lives are raggedy and we’re not as spiritually mature as we thought? I challenge you to process, reinterpret, and package your ideas, emotions, and feelings BEFORE expressing them. I challenge you to grow up a little bit more today!

Pastor Janae

Comments (0) Mar 25 2009

As we concluded our series on “The Life-Giving Power of Community“, the Lord led me to preach on Sunday 02/01/09 about friendships that are “Not Easily Broken“. View the clip below and then post a comment about your friendships and why they are/are not easily broken.

The video is divided into 2 clips because of their size.

Part I – Shatterproof Illustration
Part II – Shatterproof Illustration

Click “Comment” to post a response. I’d love to hear your perspective about friendships/relationships that are/are not easily broken!

Comments (1) Feb 03 2009

In our Church Wide Study on 1/4/09 where we began journeying through the book Groups: Life-Giving Power of Community by John Ortberg, et al, we discovered that “the right idea of friendship involves the mutual exchange of knowledge, kindness, service, and celebration.” So often our friendships include a combination of each of these, but is it mutual?

After walking through this lesson I became more sensitive to the “mutual exchange” in a few of my friendships. In one friendship in particular, I noticed that I was giving a lot (knowledge, kindness, service, and celebration) and expecting a lot in return, but made excuses for the other person every time they fell short. I discovered it was a grossly dysfunctional friendship and I contributed to the dysfunction! I contributed to the dysfunction because I never communicated my expectations or needs in the friendship. I have negotiated myself out of the disappointment I frequently feel and subconsciously give the other party permission to continue the behavior. I asked myself recently, “What kind of friendship is this?”

Now don’t get me wrong. I know that friendships involve risk, vulnerability, energy and time. I know that they also involve healthy doses of conflict. I also believe that God delights in life-giving friendships. Those are the friendships in which we are mutually strengthened, nurtured, and corrected! What benefit is our friendship to the Kingdom of God if we don’t challenge one another to grow and mature in it?

You may have asked yourself the question, “What kind of friendship is this?” If it’s not the one that involves the mutual exchange of knowledge, kindness, service, and celebration, it may not be the right idea of friendship. You may be participating in a dysfunctional friendship. Join me in taking responsibility and initiative in our friendships. Speak gently, but speak up!

Comments (1) Jan 06 2009

What do you bring to your friendships, romantic relationships and professional relationships? Ideally, it would be balance. Whether it’s professional, platonic or passionate, relationship balance is essential. Relationships are a cornerstone of human existence. In them we are strengthened, sharpened, and nurtured. Those relationships that contain a rich and vibrant combination of giving and receiving, speaking and listening, and idea creation and contemplation are most rewarding.

This rich and vibrant exchange doesn’t happen by osmosis. It happens when people are prepared and equipped with experience, wisdom, and willingness to invite someone else into a shared experience. In other words, it happens when each one brings something to the table and is willing to share it with the other. We each need not bring the same thing, but we each should bring something.

I’d really like to lift Barack and Michelle Obama as an example of a balanced relationship. Each of them contribute to the vibrance of their family and one another by bringing their own offering to the table. Watching them maneuver presidential transition, parenting, relocation, and marriage with grace and ease is nothing short of amazing. But one need not be a Harvard Law graduate to substantially contribute to, or participate in, a healthy relationship.

A spiritually mature church engages in balanced relationship. This is where each person (clergy, staff, and laity) brings something to the table…and not only the offering table. When persons are willing to bring their spiritual gifts, talents, and time to the faith community, there is balance. Where there is balance there is abundance. Consider Ephesians 6:11-13. We each need not bring the same thing to the table, but each should bring something to the table. (I will pursue this topic again in a separate post about church growth strategies because I believe balanced spiritual relationships builds the Church.)

Given that balanced relationships are “life-giving” how (and why) is it that so many people do not experience balanced relationships? Submit a comment below.

Comments (3) Dec 17 2008

Many relationships suffocate because we place more pressure on the relationship than what it is able to bear. We enter with expectations, rules, walls, and baggage. We dump them covertly into the relationship reservoir and expect the other person to navigate the waters seamlessly. We create tension and stress because we think that the other person, if they’re our friend or family member, should put forth whatever energy necessary to navigate through the maze we’ve created with past hurts, disappointments, and unrealistic relationship ideals.

Imagine how our relationships with others would change if our expectations and behaviors matched the maturity level of the relationship. Oh how we could enjoy more refreshing relationships. When was the last time someone was refreshed from your presence in their life?

Take a look at Romans 15:32.

Paul knew he’d be exasperated from his missionary work and looked forward to spending time with those who refreshed him. He knew there was a group of individuals with whom he could relate with joy and eager expectation. Paul had refreshing relationships.

Refreshing relationships begin inside of us. When we contribute to the vitality, health, and freedom of the relationship and not wait for the relationship to serve our needs, it is refreshing.

Comments (2) Dec 13 2008